She's Silent.

"She's a dreamer. A doer. A thinker. She sees possibility everywhere." She is more than what you see. She doesn't think people see the potential she has within her. They take one look and see a young girl who seems to only know the bare minimum. In reality, she notices everything. She sees the gestures people make. She hears the words people say. She feels the pain and joys other feel. She knows. She's experienced it all. Yet nobody knows because she doesn't speak. So the world sees this young girl as someone who doesn't have a care in the world, but she's secretly watching and observing the small things people say and do. She's always learning and growing, trying to understand why. In the end, she realizes she's silent with thunder hidden inside.

Change.

Change sucks. One of the worst things is having to start over. Yeah it may be nice to experience new things, but in the end I just want things to be as they were before. This semester already has a weird vibe to it, and it hasn't even officially started. There comes a point though where you can't keep living in the past. I know things will work out, however that doesn't make it any easier to adjust to the new change. 

My Life In A Nutshell

I am a mix of an introvert and extrovert.

My introvert side has some solid social skills

and I enjoy going to parties

but after a period of time I wish I was at my apartment

In my pajamas. I prefer to devote my

social energy to close friends, and family.

I tend to listen more than I talk,

I think before I speak, and I feel as if

I express myself better in writing than

In a conversation. I do not like conflicts or tension.

And sometimes fear small talk,

But truly enjoy deep discussions.

  

But when you get to know me, the actual me

You’ll learn I like to go on adventures too

And cruise along the streets on my longboard

I enjoy late night runs to taco bell.

I am always down for doing something

But I’m also okay with staying back

and watching a good movie

or hockey game on tv.

When I love, I love hard. 

I cherish those in my life and never let them go

even if things aren't ideal. I have a hard time finding

words to my feelings, but that doesn't mean I 

don't have any. I love to joke around but can be 

serious when it's appropriate. I believe the worst feeling

in the world is missing someone you love, because

there's no medications or anything you can take to make 

that heartbreak feeling go away. The only thing you can

do is distract yourself, even then distractions don't 

always help, maybe only for a temporary time. But that 

feeling is still always there, wishing that that one person

was with you. Sleep doesn't help either, because

you begin to dream about them since you miss them

so much. There's no escape, nothing. Missing someone

is the worst feeling ever. Yet, it is blessings to be able 

to miss someone, because it shows you have somebody in 

your life you truly care about. 

No "Good" in "Goodbye"

There's absolutely no good in saying goodbye. I hate goodbyes. Why do we meet such amazing people only for us to have to go through the pain and heartbreak of saying bye. I truly do not like saying "goodbye", I will try and say "see you later" or "see you around" but goodbye is a complete oxymoron. It's very special though to have such sad feelings when saying bye to someone. Why? Because we've been blessed so much with their presence in our lives and it's not everyday that we get to have those kinds of people in our life. I've been blessed with those types of people, and even with knowing that it doesn't make saying bye any easier. 

Shattered Glass

I'm trying, I really am. I will try and not break, but this is something I've never experienced before and it's hard. Yet, some of those I tell only laugh. They have no idea I'm shattered inside. Millions of pieces broken everywhere. They don't realize that this is something that is going to rip me apart. I must be brave, even though I'm scared.

Writing My Thoughts.

I've heard that writing can be a way for people to relax and unwind. It's true, but at the same time I still feel that pit in my stomach filled with pain after each word I type. I know the pain will decrease over time, but I know it will always be there a little bit. Writing helps me find my inner emotions, and I like having this blog because I feel like people don't read it, so it makes me want to go deeper into my feelings. But maybe people do read it, I'm not sure. All I know is that writing seems to be the best way for me to describe how I'm feeling.

Intellectual Conversations.

“I have the deepest affection for intellectual conversations. The ability to just sit and talk. About love, about life, about anything, about everything. To sit under the moon with all the time in the world, the full-speed train that is our lives slowing to a crawl. Bound by no obligations, barred by no human limitations. To speak without regret or fear of consequence. To talk for hours and about what’s really important in life.” I've never read a quote more true.