Shattered Glass

I'm trying, I really am. I will try and not break, but this is something I've never experienced before and it's hard. Yet, some of those I tell only laugh. They have no idea I'm shattered inside. Millions of pieces broken everywhere. They don't realize that this is something that is going to rip me apart. I must be brave, even though I'm scared.

Writing My Thoughts.

I've heard that writing can be a way for people to relax and unwind. It's true, but at the same time I still feel that pit in my stomach filled with pain after each word I type. I know the pain will decrease over time, but I know it will always be there a little bit. Writing helps me find my inner emotions, and I like having this blog because I feel like people don't read it, so it makes me want to go deeper into my feelings. But maybe people do read it, I'm not sure. All I know is that writing seems to be the best way for me to describe how I'm feeling.

Intellectual Conversations.

“I have the deepest affection for intellectual conversations. The ability to just sit and talk. About love, about life, about anything, about everything. To sit under the moon with all the time in the world, the full-speed train that is our lives slowing to a crawl. Bound by no obligations, barred by no human limitations. To speak without regret or fear of consequence. To talk for hours and about what’s really important in life.” I've never read a quote more true. 

Wondering Mind

My heart is full, full of love, grief, compassion, and pain. I’ve been blessed, and I’ve been through some unfortunate heartache. I often think of why certain matters happen, or the reason of the matters happening, and at the moment it doesn’t always make sense. Even as time has past, some things still don’t make sense to me. Yet I know someday it will, but it doesn’t make it any easier. “The mind replays what the heart can’t delete.” My mind still wonders and overthinks every little thing. Sometimes I think about these things, because I’m scared. I’m scared of what could happen. I know there’s nothing that can be done about it though. That’s life.

Silent People. Loud Thoughts.

Silence can be some of the loudest words we say. However sometimes we just want to stay quiet, because no words can describe the thoughts and feelings going through our minds and hearts. Silent people can have some of the loudest minds. We can be afraid of what our words can do. We fear that it can change relationships, situations, and/or perspectives. The power of words has the ability to move mountains, and it’s huge risk for some people to take. Although, it’s those risks that we take, that can change things forever. “If it’s still in your mind, it’s worth the risk.” If something is truly important to you, it’s worth the risk. You never know if the one you’re talking to could be waiting to hear or maybe even wanting to say the same thing. It’s just a matter of getting those thoughts into words though.

Never Give Up

Never give up. Cheesy I know, but very true. We can't lose sight of what we want most, even if it seems insurmountable to obtain. If you even have the slightest idea of what you want, go for it. There's a reason you want it and if you never strive for it, you may never get that opportunity again. Sometimes it takes a while, but the longer it takes the more you'll appreciate it. Don't ever let fear control your feelings, especially if it feels right to your heart and mind. Just because things aren't as ideal as you thought they'd be, doesn't mean you should give up. Things aren't always easy, but that's what makes us great in the end.

A Moment In Time

Ever just sit and try and be "in the moment", but then realize that "moment" will be soon be over. I do. I hate it. Whenever I'm truly enjoying something I try so hard not to think of how of I'm going to feel when it's over. Time goes by and there's nothing we can do to slow it down or speed it up. There is no escaping time. Days can feel long and weeks can feel short, sometimes vise versa. Time kills. Literally. Every second is second closer to death. Now, that's a really depressing way of looking at life, but if you're an optimistic person it can inspire you. Time is precious. People always say that we can't waste time, but if you're enjoying it, it's not time wasted.