Forever Changed (rough draft)

“When something challenges you, that’s when it changes you.” I am forever changed. My first semester of college undeniably shaped me into who I am today. I came to Brigham Young University-Idaho out of spite and to fulfill a compromise I made with my parents. If I attended my first semester at BYU-Idaho I could go to the University of Colorado Colorado Springs in January, then after both semesters were complete I would decide which school I liked more. I wanted nothing to do with the Mormon Church, I did not understand nor agree with some of the key aspects of the church.

I thought I knew what I wanted in life. I wanted to attend the University of Colorado Colorado Springs, major in Business Administration and Management, emphasis on entrepreneurship. To me life was great, minus the fact that I had to be forced into attend BYU-Idaho. I had met my roommates only via Facebook, other than that I had no connection to the five girls I was going to be living with.

September 12, 2014 strolled along and I found myself walking towards the apartment complex I was planning on living at the next few months. When I walked into the doors I was instantly filled with a feeling of excitement and frustration. I was finally going to be on my own and away from my family, but like stated before I was attending a college I had to interest in whatsoever. After getting settled in and meeting the girls, I began to believe that ‘this semester is going to be a peace of cake, I’ll be attending UCCS in no time’. Classes began a couple days later and I remember sitting down in my English class and the teacher asked one of us to say the opening prayer. I wasn’t okay with this, ‘there’s a time and place to pray, but in English class…is this necessary.’

The next day after I finished my classes, I was headed back to my apartment when I noticed everyone was dressed up. I realized that every Tuesday at 2pm there’s a devotional the campus puts together for the students to attend. I was told by many people back home to attend as much devotionals as I could, but I thought they were crazy for thinking I was going to be attending those. I’d always find excuses on why I wasn’t going to go, like “too much homework” or “I need to call my parents.” The next week I was informed Elder Jeffery R. Holland was going to be speaking at devotional, so of course I had to attend devotional.

All my roommates and I went, when we were there my roommates had their notepads and journals out to take notes. As the devotional began I sat there listening and I began to really enjoy the message being conveyed, so I pulled out a piece of paper and took notes as well. Elder Holland discussed how to be truly happy, not worldly happy but eternally happy.  It was then when I recognized I needed to find out if the Book of Mormon was something I believed in. I had always been struggling on my testimony since I was a sophomore in high school. I had tried, but my testimony seemed to fall apart the more I tried, which eventually led to me giving up on it. The next day I was reading out of my Book of Mormon student manual and came across this “A sincere reader may not immediately gain a testimony when reading the Book of Mormon. Further, some people may not recognize the testimony that is growing as they study and pray over this tremendous text.” I came to the realization that I was beating myself up too much about not having that “light bulb” impression. I then understood I had to let my testimony grow and be nourished over time and eventually it will be revealed unto me.

A couple days had past and I had a dream where I chose to continue studying at Brigham Young University in Idaho. It then dawned on me after telling my mother about my dream, that this wasn’t an accident that I had that dream. I was sincerely enjoying my time at BYU. I had been blessed with five of the most amazing and beautiful roommates; their strong spirits lifted me up in ways I didn’t know was imaginable, and all of my professors taught with such a strong and powerful testimony of the gospel.

I really began to struggle on whether or not I should attend UCCS in the winter or stay at BYU. I laid out the pros and cons to attending each university, and yet it was still unclear to me on what I was supposed to do. I began to earnestly search my scriptures and pray about it. Later that week my family was dropping off my brother Collin at the MTC (Missionary Training Center) in Utah. During that time I was in my math class when I received a text from my mother saying “It’s official!! Elder Willardsen is in the MTC as of 1:10pm!!!” I was instantly brought to tears. The spirit was just swept over my body and I knew that, that is where my brother was supposed to be. It then occurred to me that if I didn’t have a testimony of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, why would I be crying right now.

A few days had past and I was going to a haunted house with some friends, it was a lot of fun. On our way back from the haunted house we could see the temple off in the distance, when one of my friends said “Look at the temple, isn’t it beautiful?” I looked at them and all of a sudden a huge wave of warmth overcame me. I knew exactly what it was; it was my “light bulb” experience. I knew right then and there that the church was true. It was that moment when everything fell together. All my confusion on what University to attend became clear. I knew that with this decision I was going to lose some friends. However, this was the only time in my life I had to be selfish.

The following Sunday I told one of my friends who I’d been close with for about four years and was teaching me about basic Christianity, that I was moving to Idaho and will no longer be attending the University of Colorado Colorado Springs. I explained to him that I wanted to be a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. He was very upset and disappointed with me. My friend always had a hard time accepting Mormonism and never agreed with it. He told me what Mormons believe isn’t true and that he never wanted to speak to me again. To this day I have not spoken to him. This was hard for me, because I thought he’d react more mature. I knew though that he wasn’t meant to be a part of my life anymore and I was content with that. I had been blessed with some amazing people at BYU and I will never forget their influence they had on my decision.

Elder Jeffery R. Holland stated, “I can do hard things.” This semester has been one of the most emotional, but cherishing times in my life. The Lord and Savior know me and my hearts desires. He has a plan for me. Everything happens for a reason, and it’s been difficult. Nevertheless because of those times of adversity, I’ve grown stronger and close to Him. Christ is only an arms length away, because that’s as far as we can push him, and it’s up to us to reach out and grab His hand.